Serena’s Secretions
Sep 10th, 2007 by Granny
Having terrified you all with my last post about the awful stuff to be found in cosmetics, I have hit on a great idea.
Grandad and I are going into production to provide you with eco-friendly products for hair skin and eye creams. All our produce will be 100% natural with no added ingredients whatsoever. There will be no additives, colourants or preservatives at all. We have the recipe and the ingredients but you will understand that that bit is all hush hush?
This product can be used as a hair gel, a moisturiser, shampoo, underarm deodorant. skin rejuvinator or make-up foundation. One tube covers all. All your cosmetic needs in one. No-hassle holiday packing!
Enough to say that Grandad and our large team of staff will be providing the main ingredient. He said it would give him great pleasure.
The products from Serena will have to be kept in liquid nitrogen, as we want no nasties in our products, like preservatives and stuff.
The thing is, I’m inviting partners to join me while the company is in its conception. We have a new e-mail address - sample@sendusyoursecretions.ie
We are currently looking for fine upstanding men, with a good grasp on marketing skills. We are also looking for female production assistants. Grandad has already hired Sharon Ní Bheoláin.
So, come on men. Here is your chance to turn your hobby into a career.
This venture has a peculiar whiff to it.
I think I might hold on to my halfpenny!
We are adding Lavender and St John’s Wort fresh from the garden, and trampled by the local natives in a wine vat we brought back from France.
Thus this cream will also double up as an antidepressant.
We’ll send you a pint for Christmas.
I am extremely worried - will stick will cancer and low sperm count options.
When I’m famous like Esther Lauder, you’ll be sorry.
Do I get to choose my, “Female Production Assistant”? If so, I want Gina Gershon. Then, I’m in!
D’you get this idea from Nip/Tuck?!
So it IS true…
Do us a favour and put YR sauce in your tea like in Intermission and tell us if that’s true too?
Just don’t expect me to buy any of your products cos that would just be WRONG.
Brianf. The lady you mention would lower the tone. I have already assigned you Hillary Clinton who is over on a fund raising tour. She is a dear old pal of mine, and she cried until I gave her the job.
K8. We weren’t exactly aiming at your end of the market. The House of Fraser isn’t exactly in your league.
I quit!
Chicken!!!!
Gina Gershon or I walk! I might consider Kiera Knightly or maybe Scarlette Johansson but hillery clinton the “I know better than you” neo-communist!?!?
Puh-Leeze!!
Ha! I never believe any of these claims that product X is guaranteed all-natural, all-pure, additive & nasty-substance free etc. I mean, how can you be sure if it doesn’t tell you all the secret ingredients? Or gives the ingredients fancy names you’ve never heard of so you don’t know they’re actually plutonium? Natural Serena, my eyeballs. She’s just airbrushed and Photoshopped like all the rest. She’s really a 93 year old granny from Scunthorpe.