I’m well oiled
Aug 4th, 2007 by Granny
Some girls have a fetish for shoes and handbags, and will happily pay an arm and a leg for a Gucci bag.
I am more low maintenance. My thing is an obsession with health foods - homoeopathy stuff and natural remedies. Having done the research, I am going to giveyou all the benefits of my wisdom.
Udo’s Choice Oil, formulated by Dr Udo Erasmus Ph.D. This man knows his oils. It’s rich in plant sterols and is a great source of fatty acids - the omega 3, 6 and 9 essential fats. Now I no longer creak.
Cold Press Fish Oil, now famed for its beneficial results in raising the I.Q. of school kids, is also beneficial for some forms of insomnia. You have to take five a day for six weeks before you feel the benefit. I did. It worked. Problem solved.
The best was yet to come..
Manuka Honey from New Zealand. This is not like your ordinary honey. A New Zealander introduced me to it. It contains a natural antibiotic and antiseptic ingredient. Clever little bees! Imagine living in a colony where the common cold and flu is unknown!
I have a bee in my bonnet about the whole bee thing now, and was amazed to find out how really really clever those girls are.
Honeybees are social insects and live in colonies. Each colony is a family unit, comprising a single, egg-laying female or queen and her many sterile daughters called workers. The workers co-operate in the food gathering, nest building and rearing the offspring. Males are reared only at the times of year when their presence is required.
It’s too late for my generation or the next, but I can see into the great-great-granddaughter’s future. She will head a colony of girls in uniform, cracking the whip and being impregnated by artificial means. They might need a few men in the winter for bringing in the coal. Apart from that - not a man in sight. The berties and the Bushs - extinct - Utopia.
There are some side effects. I have grown fins and a fish tail. And I have to live in a tank. I have grown a furry golden fuzz all around my body.
Time to buzz off and open a tin of sardines……
Never mind those fancy names, they are all Cod Liver Oil with different labels.
Manuka Honey is a funny name for Grandad!
Honey, my a*se. He shoo ain’t mah honey…
Ah but you sure love him!
I do. But you won him fair and square.
When are you collecting him?
I don’t want to be here because I couldn’t bear to see his sad little face as he waves to me from the back of the car. He’ll be grand when he gets there because he doesn’t know where he is most of the time anyway.
Have you got rubber sheets?
I have all kinds of kinky items!
You auld divil!
It’d get a lot more than honey to kick-start you, ma.
Try diesel.
Do you not like ‘my flag’?
Who cut the hole in it?
We’ve lost you again, Grannymar. What flag? Go back to the green tablets…
I’ve slowed down a bit, K8, but I still have all my facilities.
Puppychild don’t need no I.Q. oils. I was stunned by the way she flew through that jigsaw ‘tother day. ‘Twas kinda scary!!