Big Prizes To Be Won
Jul 31st, 2007 by Granny
I’m running a competition.
The prize for the winning entry will make the recent lotto win pale into comparison.
I want you to write to me and in less than 500 words, tell me who you would least like to have as a Mother-in-Law, and why.
For instance, my nightmare would be Kim and Aggie from the programme “Do you want your auld lobby washed down” or whatever it’s called.
Aggie would follow me around with a bottle of vinegar, bicarbonate of soda and Coke for the loo. She’s a mighty big woman and I’m only little, so a puck in the jaw from Aggie would send me spinning into the middle of next week.
Get the drift?
Hop to it, girls…
ME! (thats less than 500 words).
I like your latest photo. Did Grandad take it?
Good effort, Grannymar. You’re in the running.
What photograph? I just put a mirror there.
lol
News Flash.
My three writing colleagues (and friends), Maeve, Cecelia and John Banville are currently pouring over the entry.
They are totally underwhelmed by the talent.
Maeve says it is going to be very difficult to pick a winner, but I have a fair idea myself who the lucky person is.
Wots the prize?
Grandad
Fixed!
I’m trying to decide whether Lily Savage would make the worst or the best mother in law. It’s a tough call.
I do know that having Oprah Winfrey for a MIL would be a complete NIGHTMARE.
Good question, mar!
Garannymar: Bollix!
K8: I was thinking Twink would be the ultimate nightmare. She’d have all the kiddies enrolled in Billie Barry before they were born. And you’d never be able to talk to her on the phone.
So where is he then? I want my prize!
Will I meet the Bus. Is it the Express one or the old one that stops at every hedgerow like a dog.
Send me a list of his special needs. I like to look after the men in my life.
Congratulations, Grannymar. Your article won for its brevity and wit. Not to mention your spelling and general use of the English language.
However, problems have occurred.
Grandad has been electronically tagged after a little fracas with some tourists up in the woods.
His bail is €500,000. Do you think you could bail him out in the next few days? Our lawyer expects him to get ten years. Can you wait?
Grannymar, are you sure you know what you’re getting into? He needs a lot of excersise you know. And when he moults he’ll ruin your furniture. He’s been in trouble for biting people, too.
Dear K8
Sit down dear I have something to tell you!
Now it has nothing to do with biting, its about a record.. A police Record!
Your dearly beloved dad has to go on a long holiday. The gun has been confiscated and any post from BrianF will be used as further evidence!
Maybe Granny might like a little break or holiday, see how it goes. She can come up here away from the neighbours ’till the fuss dies down.
Love to Sean & Puppychild.
K8
I forgot to say there is a rumour going about that Ron might take over at Head Rambles for the duration!
Do you think he will manage to type without those lost fingers?
[...] a personal note, there has been some concern on another website that I may be facing a long prison sentence. This is not true. There is no penalty for licenced [...]
Goodness, no! Don’t send him to gaol. Where do you reckon he got his target skills in the first place? Do you REALLY think his learning about the ins and outs of semtex will be good for humankind/the tourist industry?!?!
*shudder*
You could always arrange to have him sent up to me.
I run a mean boot camp when i have to.
Knocking sense into him would be fun.
The Queen Mum.
Is an explanation necessary?
One thinks not.
Twink.
All this time, and I still get the shivers…
She’d be good at changing nappies though, plenty of experience with annus horriblus…
Yes Peckerhead! She’s ‘orrible. She nearly bought a house beside us, but didn’t. There is a God.
K8: You’d get a nice big house?