Bloody meals
Mar 10th, 2007 by Granny
We enjoyed our little soiree in Thornton’s last night.
The fifteen course menu was a bit much for us. We had to take out our false teeth half way through.
And the price! €190 for the two of us. The steak was hardly cooked at all, for God’s sake. The chef refused to take it back . He insists that good meat should be eaten rare. “Rare!” I said to him, “Raw, more like”. The bloody nerve.
I didn’t like to cause a scene because there were so many other famous people there, and we’ll have to mix with these people soon now that Grandad is going into “the Business”.
In fact, I felt very ashamed. If the regulars stayed at home and cooked their own bloody dinners, the money could go to Saint Vincent de Paul. The whole problem of the homeless in Dublin could be sorted.
There is nothing like a good lump of hairy bacon and cabbage fresh from Grandad’s plot, plus a big pot of spuds cooked at the open fire.
As me uncle used to say about the bacon -
“You wouldn’t know whether to shave it or ate it”
It’s good to be back to the Auld Sod. I missed the birdsong.
The lambs are frolicking in the field next door.
We might cook one on Sunday.
Sunday! Right I fancy a nice bit of Lamb.
If I leave now I should make it by then.
What time wiil the dinner be?
My Husband, the Writer and I are having a few very close friends for a candlelit soiree.
You are more than welcome to join us.
It will be a chance for you to meet some important people like what we are.
Thank you Granny,
Are you sure I won’t lower the tone?
I have to check the ‘pension’ first to see if i can afford to go down.
Alas I won’t get the ‘Bus Pass’ for years yet.
I shall send the car for you. You should get on well with our chauffeur.
P.S. No chewing gum on the upholstery please!
Granny,
I am a Classy Lady!
I don’t chew gum (only cause it sticks to the dentures. Maybe you know this problem since you need to remove yours to suck on steak!)
What time will the chauffeur collect me?
Is he a Toyboy?
By chauffeur, she means me on my paddybike and sidecar, so my advise is, don’t wear mascara. Mary MacAleese’s visit was ruined because we couldn’t find any cotton wool balls. Should’ve looked in the field next door I s’pose.
Dear Offspring,
As a lady of great beauty I have no need of mascara. I leave that one to the men nowadays!
P.S. My chin will be well cleaned, I don’t want to look like a side of bacon!
Granny,
Be very careful ! Now that you and Grandad are “In the business” you will want to be certain that he doesn’t shave his head AND when you are exiting your limosine make sure that you are wearing underwear. Those Papparozzi are everywhere. I don’t want to see you two in the gossip columns.
Is this Grandad ripping the … urine? Because your writing styles are quite similar, most of the posts thus far have been related to Himself, and just who the hell is Offspring???
Either that, or you and Grandad had the same English teacher.
Dario. Grandad warned me about you. Yes. This is reeeeely, reeeeely Granny. Offspring is our only daughter. She was the scourge of our lives when she turned fifteen. She’s a lovely woman now.
Nancy. Don’t worry about us. Grandad wears thermal long-johns. He puts them on in September and takes them off in June. I wear the thermal knickers down to my knees but I change them often. ‘Tis a quare cold ould place here in the mountains.
Excellent. Then I look forward to reading about your side of the story. And is it really your daughter commenting? If my father started a blog - Jose Sanchez Drinks Around The World, it’s be called - I’d be intrigued by it.